Why Golf Can Be Intimidating

Here’s the funny thing about me... My confidence in myself is a work in progress. But my confidence that I’ll figure it out? Probably an inappropriate amount.

Honestly, looking back that’s, kind of how I’ve moved through life.

I’ve walked into jobs, rooms, conversations + opportunities where, on paper, I probably wasn’t the most qualified person there. I mean, I can probably count on one hand how many times I’ve actually used a resume in my entire life.

And instead of thinking, “Well, I guess I can’t do this,” I'm usually more like…

Who decided that? And are we sure? And I’ll figure it out. Let me try?

Because I have questions.

A LOT of them— just ask my golf instructor, Darren

Most of you don’t really know me, and that’s okay.

I overshare + talk enough that eventually… you probably will 😂

So here’s the deal.

I don’t even have my AA degree.

I am SIX credits shy.

In math.

I freaking HATE math. Which makes absolutely no sense because I LOVE data.

Hold it against me, I dare you.

I always joke that I may not have the degree, but I definitely have a PhD in life.

And honestly, sometimes I feel like I really do.

Not because my life has been harder than everyone else’s.

We all have stories.

We all have things that shaped us.

It wasn’t until my later 30s that I really understood how much childhood trauma had shaped me. Since then, I’ve spent years trying to understand myself better, unlearn some things + rebuild others.

Therapy. EMDR. Retreats. Coaching. Relationships that taught me things the hard way.

A LOT of uncomfortable self-reflection.

And I’ve been pretty open about it.

Because mental health + wellness can be intimidating to talk about too.

There’s still this weird feeling sometimes that we’re supposed to have it all figured out.

That admitting you’re struggling, asking for help or saying, “Hey, I don’t actually know what I’m doing here” somehow means you’re failing.

I don’t believe that anymore.

I keep doing the work because I truly love learning why we are the way we are, what shapes us + why we do the things we do.

And quite frankly, I’m tired of surviving + ready to thrive.

I'm tired of shrinking myself.

So at this point, there are very few uncomfortable conversations I’m afraid to have.

I’ll ask the question.

I’ll admit when I don’t know something.

I’ll talk about the stuff people sometimes avoid talking about.

Except golf.

Golf still has me like…

Wait.

What are we doing?

And I think that’s exactly why I understand how intimidating it can feel.

Because I’m someone who will normally walk into just about anything thinking, I’ll figure it out.

But golf made me feel like I was supposed to already know + that is a completely different feeling.

I think we put a lot of weight on titles, credentials, years of experience, all the things that make someone look “qualified.”

And yes, those things matter.

But I also don’t think a title automatically makes someone good at what they do.

Some people know how to teach.

Some people know how to connect [hi, it's me].

Some people know how to explain something in a way that actually clicks.

And some people have every title in the world + still couldn’t teach me how to boil water.

That’s probably part of why I’ve always been willing to try things before I felt completely ready.

A little confidence.

A little delusion.

A little feral.

I like to say everything is figureoutable.

And honestly? It’s worked out okay.

But then I started golf.

And golf said, “That’s cute.”

Because suddenly I cared very much so about doing everything right.

Am I standing in the wrong place?

Where do I stand?

Whose turn is it?

Am I taking too long?

Did I just drive the cart somewhere I absolutely was not supposed to?

Why is everyone whispering?

Why are there SO many damn rules?

My Second Par. The real question is "Am I allowed to touch the flag?"

Golf is basically the HOA of sports.

Legit 😂

Golf has this way of making a grown adult go from “I’ve got this” to “Wait… what the heck am I supposed to be doing?” real quick + feeling everyone else got the memo except you.

And that’s when I finally understood why it can be so intimidating.

It’s not the golf ball.

It’s the feeling that everyone else knows something you don’t.

It’s not wanting to hold people up.

Not wanting to ask a dumb question.

Not wanting to be the person everyone is secretly annoyed with.

Not wanting to look like you don’t belong.

Which is funny, because I normally have zero problem showing up somewhere before I know what the heck I’m doing.

But golf?

Golf somehow found the already very active overthinking part of my brain and said, “Oh, perfect. Let’s make this worse.”

Because apparently I needed more things to overanalyze 😂

And the more I play, the more I realize how much of being new is learning things you didn’t even know you were supposed to know.

The game.

The etiquette.

The culture.

The personalities.

The unspoken stuff.

And sometimes, you’re going to get it wrong.

Sometimes you misread a room.

Sometimes something you say doesn’t land the way you thought it would.

Sometimes you learn something in a way that makes you go, “Well. Okay then.”

That’s part of being human too.

We’re all walking around with our own experiences, our own perspectives, our own stuff going on behind the scenes.

Most of the time, we really have no idea what someone else is carrying.

And I think golf has been reminding me of that.

Being confident doesn’t mean I know everything.

Being myself doesn’t mean I can’t learn.

And being new def does not mean I don’t belong.

I don’t have to understand every single rule before I’m allowed to play.

I can ask questions.

I can screw something up.

I can learn the weird golf etiquette nobody bothered to tell me existed.

I can laugh at myself + keep going.

It's part of the process too.

And maybe that’s what I want other new golfers...especially women.. to know.

You don’t have to be “qualified” to start golf.

You don’t have to already know how golf works.

You don’t need the perfect swing.

You don’t need to know what every club does.

Shoot, when I started I had only one golf club for months...LOL

You don’t have to pretend you aren’t intimidated.

You just have to show up willing to learn.

And you're never too damn old to start...

Because every golfer who looks completely comfortable out there now was new once too.

They just might have forgotten what that felt like.

I haven’t.

I’m still very much in it.

Still learning.

Still asking questions.

Still occasionally looking around like, “Wait… what are we doing?”

Still getting judged.

And if someone with my slightly feral, I’ll-figure-it-out personality can feel intimidated by golf…

I promise you, I'm probably not the only one.

The irony in me writing this entire blog.

One of the things I’ve come to LOVE about golf is that you can do it alone.

You don’t have to figure out schedules. You don’t have to wait for anyone.

If you want to golf, you can literally just… go golf.

Earlier this month, I wanted to golf.

It was BEAUTIFUL outside. Especially with how Mother Nature has been showing up.

And if I have to hear that freaking weather horn one more time…

Anyway.

I had the time. I wanted to play. The weather was perfect.

And I didn’t go.

Why?

Because I was intimidated to go by myself 😂

The woman who just spent however many words talking about inappropriate confidence, figuring things out as I go, not needing permission + being slightly feral…

was too intimidated to go play nine holes alone.

So instead of golfing…

I started writing a blog about why golf is intimidating.

You cannot make this stuff up.

But honestly, maybe that’s exactly why I needed to write it.

Because when I say golf can be intimidating for new golfers, I’m not talking about something I experienced six months ago + conquered.

I’m still in it.

I still have moments where I think, Do I know enough to go out there alone?

What if I’m too slow?

What if I don’t know what I’m supposed to do?

What if I get paired with people who have been golfing forever and they’re like, Dear God, who let her out here?

Which, when I actually write it out, is kind of ridiculous.

Because how exactly am I supposed to become comfortable golfing alone…

if I never go golf alone?

Welp.

There’s my next assignment...if I don't get kicked out.

So if you see a golf cart rolling around with a red flag that says Training in Progress...BE NICE, it’s probably me 😂

—Otie